It is May, 2022, and I am in Hawaii for ten days of vacation with my husband.  I am here for spiritual nourishment and healing from the recent years of caring for my now deceased parents.  Every day I walk and talk with my Divine Beloved, Source.

I ask for guidance about the future, and You say, “Be still.”  I ask for a sign, and You show me a cross, the cross I wore every day like a talisman, during a dark passage 24 years ago.  It is inscribed with the words “I am with you always.”  I ask for inspiration, and a pod of dolphins swims along the shore.  I say “What now?” and I hear, “Be still.  Listen.”

Every morning, as I sit in meditation, I hear the birds’ first notes break the silence of the dawn and join the gentle whisper of the palms.  I feel Your comfort in the words, “Be still.  Relax.  Let go.”  I am letting go of the memories of my parents in their last years, their minds fading, their bodies shrinking, their spirits coming and going.  I want to stop thinking about our issues, their dying, my sadness and lack of energy.  I hear the words, “Why are you in such a hurry?”  Yes, it was taxing and hard and sad.  Yes, they are free.  Now take this time to heal, to recover and to fill back up with Beauty, Joy and Love. 

I sit and watch the ocean breathe.  I walk the black lava coast, slowly slowing down.  My mind empties.  My heart opens.  I let go.  I let go.  I let go. 

As I walk over bleached coral bones and black lava stones, I begin to enjoy the quiet.  No thought.  No thing.  Nothing.  Just this moment, this now.  Words arise to the rhythm of my steps.  “Breathe. Relax. Be still. Breathe relax be still. Breathe relax be still.  Breathe. Relax.  Be.”

I taste this emptiness in a new way.  I no longer need to hear a new message, to see another sign of Presence. I am the Presence.  I am the Love I used to seek.  I am that I am.  Not my ego, my personal story, my desires. I am that pure divine unconditional Love of Source in this body. I am empty. You fill me.  I allow my original self, who is Source, to be here now. 

Sometimes I find this oneness in my heart. Now it feels like this Presence is in my whole body or is my body.  What I knew of me is just an outer skin.  I AM walks as I walk.

On our last morning, I open my hands and say the words of a familiar prayer, “I come to you with open hands, letting go of all that comes between us.”  Usually I have something to let go of, but today, nothing arises.  I feel only my intention and the Presence of my Divine Beloved.  I feel only the pure presence of now.  I am here with and as my Divine Beloved.  Who is speaking?  I am that I am.  Nothing between us.  No us.  Only One.  Only Now.  Only Source walking and breathing as me.